In the final article in this series, we look at the things that we probably shouldn't try and control if we are to build our self confidence.
If everyone could control 100% of everything happening in their lives, everything would be perfect.
There would never be any conflict or problems clouding anyone’s days and complicating their lives.
Regrettably, this is absolutely a fantasy! Conflict, unexpected problems, setbacks, mistakes, and failures dot all our days… and that is totally normal!
There are always going to be parts of life that we simply cannot control or change, no matter how hard we try to do so.
Learning how to stop trying to control or change everything in our lives is an essential step toward building great self confidence.
Why is it so hard to let go of the desire to control and change everything?
People want to live their very best lives possible.
Every time we're faced with a challenging situation or problem, the gut response is probably to enter “disaster mode.”
We want more than anything to get the situation or problem resolved as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, this isn’t always possible.
There are always going to be aspects of life that are simply out of our control or unchangeable, and learning how to accept this can be hard.
When we admit that there are parts of our lives that we can’t immediately control or change, we are also admitting that there are forces greater than us at work in the world.
How does letting go of the desire to control things help boost your self-confidence?
Every time we attempt to change or control something we can’t, we create an inner conflict with ourselves that hurts our self-confidence levels.
We simply can’t control or change everything.
No matter what we do or how hard we try, seeing ourselves fail at the attempt to control or change it still hurts and can make us feel bad about ourselves.
When we learn to accept that we cannot control and change everything, we give ourselves a special kind of freedom.
We discover that some parts of life are simply beyond us. Just because we can’t control or change them doesn’t mean that we are weak or less of a good person.
It means our self-confidence remains at a normal level when we accept that we can’t control or change something.
What are some strategies for releasing the desire to control or change everything?
Learning how to let go of a need for constant control can be tough, but it is possible to do so.
Consider using these strategies to make the process easier.
1. Learn to let go of things beyond your ability to change or control.
Accept that there are some things that are beyond our control, and learn to let go of them. Positive self-talk is a good way to accomplish this.
Whilst it can be challenging, try to focus on the things that are within your control and let go of the rest.
2. Embrace the uncertainty of life.
Uncertainty is a natural part of life.
Trying to control everything can actually make us more anxious and stressed.
Instead, accept and embrace uncertainty and see it as an opportunity for growth and learning.
3. Practice self-compassion.
Often, the need to control everything comes from a fear of failure or a fear of not being good enough.
Practicing self-compassion can help you be kinder to yourself and reduce the pressure to control everything.
Compile a list of positive affirmations to help yourself exercise self-compassion. Read them every day - first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Over time this process will work wonders for you.
4. Seek support from people you trust.
Talking to a trusted friend or mental health professional can help you gain perspective and develop healthier coping strategies.
Seek support when you need it, and surround yourself with people who support and encourage your growth.
When you find yourself lacking in confidence in a certain situations remember the words above and adopt the following formula that was put forward by Napoleon Hill in "Think And Grow Rich" - you can download this formula as a PDF here and print it out.