So how many of us have encountered this before...
You're just about to go on stage to give a speech to your friends and colleagues, and 'darn it', that little creepy voice sneaks in and tells you that 'you're no good' or 'you'll never make it'...
Many of us will ignore it or shrug it off and do it anyway. However, a lot of us will silently absorb it and be petrified.
It's like a radio playing in the background, but the message being broadcast is pretty toxic stuff!
Negative self-talk can wreak all kinds or havoc on our life... and most of the time we're not aware that we're even doing it.
A couple of studies in recent years have shown how toxic negative self-talk can actually be.
One study showed those with high levels of negative self-talk also have high levels of anxiety and depression.
Another study showed that it was associated with high levels of cortisol, a stress hormone that accelerates ageing and is a significant factor in other health problems.
But most significantly, negative self talk leads to chronic low self-esteem and low self-confidence.
So you could imagine that no one in their right mind would want to deliberately sabotage their lives...
...but we all do it!
So to help you out, here are 5 dangerous self-talk habits to watch out for.
1. Catastrophizing
Catastrophizing is a form of self-talk where we always imagine that the worst will happen. Such as "I'll probably fail at this exam" or "I'll probably lose this game", etc.
Distressing visions of tragedy, misfortune, and disaster fill our minds, they keep us up at night, and overwhelm our ability to focus.
You could say that catastrophizing is worrying on steroids - it leaves us in a constant state of fear, where we are paralysed by worst-case scenarios. It's like a self imposed horror movie.
2. Ruminating
Like a cow chewing its cud, ruminating endlessly on your problems sends you into oblivion.
You become obsessed with the problem and cannot see your way out of it.
Ultimately the problem gets so much bigger and bigger that it becomes difficult, if not impossible to solve.
Ruminating can sabotage healthy mental activities such as meditating or trying to get to sleep.
The only way out of it is to completely clear your mind and focus on something positive.
3. Comparing
How many times have you observed another person and asked yourself 'why can't I be like him/her?'
If you're on social media a lot, you're especially prone to this. It's called 'FOMO', or Fear Of Missing Out.
You're always asking yourself 'why can't I have what she has?'
Not only does this behaviour destroy your self esteem, but you can become obsessed with the idea.
Obsessed to the point where you cannot function effectively as a human being.
4. Polarising
Polarising is the process whereby our thinking is radically divided into one camp or another.
It makes us extremely judgemental in our outlook and sabotages our mental health.
We're over-prone to judge things and others into good and bad, and the worst offenders will always see the bad side.
5. Criticising
A good deal of our negative self-talk comes in the form of self criticism, although it is not restricted to ourselves.
Benjamin Franklin once said:
“Any fool can criticise, condemn, and complain, and most fools do.”
Whilst Franklin is quite right, it is important to understand that the occasional critical thought is not particularly dangerous and can even be helpful.
It's when the trickle becomes a flood that we are most at risk of sabotaging our own lives.
The trick is to be wise and hush that inner critic: instead, focus on something a little more positive.
How to Neutralise Negative Self Talk
Given that 'self-talk' is your inner voice, then the obvious way to counteract negative self talk is to balance it out with positive self-talk.
The trick is to be aware of when you are indulging in negative thoughts and immediately replace them with positive ones.
However, you can be proactive in neutralising the bad thoughts. You do this by replacing them with good thoughts - best summed up in the practice of affirmations.
If you become aware that you are thinking a negative thought, immediately replace it with the exact opposite.
Ultimately you should pre-empt this by writing out a list of positive affirmations and read them out aloud to yourself on a regular basis.
For instance, upon awakening or just before you go to sleep... or both!
I recommend prefacing each affirmation with the phrase 'I'm so happy and grateful that..." The key component here is gratitude.
If you can pre-empt any negative thought with it's exact opposite and applying it, the negatives will disappear into the void!