What is self-defeating behaviour? It's a form of self-sabotage that boils down to you always getting in the way of your personal success.
Everyone has goals. Everyone has dreams. There's always something we want more than anything else. What is standing between you and those dreams?
You might be able to conjure up a list of challenges and obstacles, but ultimately, the only real barrier between you and achieving that goal is you.
More specifically, your negative behaviours.
Negative behaviours are those habits that prevent you from moving forward.
They are the habits that are standing between you and the life you desire. A lot of those habits are ingrained so deeply we don't even realise we have them.
They just keep cropping up as you live your life on autopilot.
Punctuality issues, procrastination, over-indulging, passive-aggressive behavior, negative self-talk, and self-criticism.
These are all self-defeating habits and it's important that you find a way to eliminate them.
Here are ten tips on how!
1. Identify Those Behaviours
You can't eliminate negative behaviours until you take steps to identify what behaviours you fall into.
If you're lucky, you already have a good idea of what those habits are, you have just yet to take any steps toward solving them.
Often, we ignore them for so long they stop registering as a problem at all.
Think about what holds you back. Think about what you fail at for no obvious reason. That's a good place to start.
2. Keep A Journal
This is a great tool for self-reflection and may just offer you the insight you need to uncover those self-defeating behaviours that have haunted you.
3. Be Mindful
The practice of paying attention to your feelings and thoughts, being aware of what is passing through your mind but not engaging with them.
It will help you get to grips with self-criticism and self-defeating habits and thoughts. Start with mindful meditation.
4. The Power of Regret
Isn't an oops far easier to cope with than a what if hanging over your head?
When you don't take action, you can't know what would have been and you'll never know what you'll miss out on.
One small change in decisions could have opened a hundred doors. You will never know unless you try.
Even if you fail, you learn something about life and a lesson about yourself too.
5. Small, Meaningful Change
Once you identify negative thoughts you need to start making small (but meaningful) changes.
Don't expect a radical transformation overnight, that isn't real life.
Small changes are practical, they're easy to follow, and they tend to have a snowball effect. That's what you're looking to create!
6. No Comparisons
It does not matter what other people are doing. Forget about everyone else, this is the race you are running and only you can do it.
7. Long-Term Goals
While small and meaningful change is important, it's also vital that you set long-term goals.
Be sure to make them realistic. Break them down into smaller goals so you can easily maintain motivation. You might care to use the S.M.A.R.T. system to help with this.
Everyone needs to have a destination in mind when they begin a journey. The journey to defeating self-defeating behaviours is no different.
A step-by-step plan is going to help you squelch those self-sabotaging behaviours.
Quote by Stephen Richards
8. Be Your Own Friend
Friends are important, but it's even more important that you are your own friend. Be gentle with yourself, be as kind to yourself as you would to a friend dealing with similar issues.
9. Facing Fears
Don't let fear root you in place, learn to step outside your comfort zone and face those fears. If you are terrified of failure? Push yourself to take more risks and get comfortable with failure. It isn't the end of the world.
10. Professional Help
If this is too much for you to handle on your own, consider seeking the help of a professional to guide you through it.
'The Thinker' by Auguste Rodin
Summing Up
Self-defeating behaviours are the most common reason for you to miss out on living your fullest life.
Use the techniques above to overcome them and tap into the life you deserve.